A Visit to Shrum Mound
An attempted conversation with the Adena — Contemplating prehistoric timeouts, conspiracy theorists and the cause of societal downfall — On a river of intentionality and randomness — A gift — Make your smile stay awhile
I mean, it’s an amazing thing.
Look at the thing. It's right there, right next to McKinley Avenue. Cars driving by at fifty miles an hour day in and day out. Just sitting there in plain sight.
It's amazing it wasn't demolished by some dipshit driving a bulldozer. Somehow it has survived.
Johnny made that song for it: Shrum Mound, Shrum Shrum Mound. Shrum Mound, Shrummy Shrum Mound.
How has it survived?
The kids were so disappointed when we stopped there.
Budget tours, kids! Bet you didn't even know this Native American burial mound was right in your backyard! Bet you had no idea!
Can we walk to the top of it?
No, I don't think you should.
Why?
It's a burial mound. That would be disrespectful, I think.
Then what are we supposed to do here?
Just walk around it. Be quiet and contemplate history!
This is the worst budget tour ever.
You may be right, but look at this thing! Looks like an old quarry on one side. McKinley Avenue and housing developments on the other. How was this thing not paved over?
But there's a path to the top, like other people walk up there.
No, I really don't think you should. Read the sign. It's an Adena burial mound. There are people in there, and you shouldn't be walking on it.
Ugh.
I know. I know. Just give me a minute with this here mound.
Dad.
A minute. Just give me a minute.
Dad.
Hush. Ok, Ancient Adenas: Can we talk?
[silence]
You put this here, right by the Scioto. You had everything you needed. It was all here. You probably thought it would last forever. Right here by the river, it's a good place, a safe place. The water, the animals, the trees. Not too hot, not too cold. And then. And then.
[silence]
What happened? Where did you go? There is no other sign of you anywhere. This is all that's left. What happened to you?
[silence]
How can what we have turn to nothing?
[silence]
You cared for your children in this place. You told them about your history, about how you got here, and where you were going. What did you tell them about their future?
[silence]
Were they bored, too? What did you do with your bored kids by the river?
[silence]
Did they talk back, and what did you do about that? Was there an Adena version of a timeout?
[silence]
Did you have crazy uncles, conspiracy theorists? What did you do with them? Ignore them? Humor them? Give them projects to work on so they would leave everyone else alone?
[silence]
Did your older people get angry as they aged? Did they tell you all the time about how everything used to better and now everything was all shitty?
[silence]
Could you tell right from wrong, truth from fiction? Were you torn apart from the inside, or was it something external that destroyed you?
[silence]
It's always been crazy, right? Right? I guess for you, it was crazy in the Adena, ancient peoples kind of way, right?
[silence]
You may be surprised to learn that we also think that what we have is going to last forever.
[silence]
That's right.
[silence]
This is my awesome house on my awesome street and things are good and they will continue to be good. I don't need to worry about anything, because, seriously, look around.
We don't appreciate that it took a practically infinite series of events with some unknowable mix of intentionality and randomness to bring us to where we are now.
[silence]
And we are unaware of that same river of intentionality and randomness flowing into the future that will wash it all away.
[silence]
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I know.
[silence]
So it was with you, it is with us. We are here now and are actually and truly incapable of knowing anything else. And so we think it will last forever because of course it will. This will all continue on into infinity on an endless loop that looks like this, just like this.
[silence]
That's what we think, and then you know what happens?
[silence]
That awesome house on that awesome street turns into a grass-covered mound 2,000 years from now and some schmuck just like me will be standing next to it sucking his thumb wondering what it all means.
[silence]
And that's assuming that humanity is still in existence 2,000 years from now, am I right?
[silence]
Shrum Mound.
[silence]
How many people who drive by this place even know that it's here? Probably not many. No one here cares about you anymore. We live here and have no appreciation that you did too. By the same river, under the same stars, asking the same goddamn questions.
[silence]
What can you teach us?
[silence]
That nothing is permanent.
[silence]
That what we hold dear today will be washed away.
[silence]
That everything we are worried about today — the tasks to be completed and the people to satisfy — is meaningless in the grand sweep of time.
[silence]
That some dipshit will come along and give the ruins of our existence some dumb name like Shrum Mound.
[silence]
I'm sure you all were stressed out about plenty of stuff, right? And all that's left is this grassy mound by an abandoned quarry, a busy street, some railroad tracks and a shit housing development.
[silence]
Your life's work, unappreciated and unloved, really completely unknown and forever unknowable.
[silence]
And that's it, I guess. That's what you're telling us. That's the gift.
[silence]
I know. I know. You're not one for words.
[silence]
There's this idea that I've had for a while: Turn That Frown Upside Down. Make Your Smile Stay Awhile. I think that last part is 100% original. At least that's what the Internet tells me. We could put it on mugs, t-shirts, bumper stickers, bags, all of it. Plaster it on everything. People would buy that. They would.
[silence]
I know it's goofy. It's goofy but I believe it because there's truth in it. Make Your Smile Stay Awhile. If none of this matters, and I think we are all agreeing here that that is indeed the case, then make your smile stay a while. If we're all going to be beamed up and this is all going to be washed away, then here we are and better to smile than to not. If you don't want to believe in anything else, believe in that. Buy a mug. Buy a t-shirt. Put that bumper sticker on your car. Make Your Smile Stay Awhile. We are here now and my God there's some relief in knowing that we won't always be, but we are here now and ain’t it grand? I believe in that.
[silence]
Early in the morning I've heard that train horn blow. There's another train rolling by Shrum Mound. It goes rolling by here, rolling north by the active quarry, the big one just past here where they're still digging and digging.
No one knows. No one cares.
Shrum Mound. Shrummy Shrum Mound.
Hear that train horn blow. Hear the machines in the quarry.
It's dark and there's a little mound by the tracks. It was built with human hands long ago. No one sees it and no one cares.
Make your smile stay awhile, kids. Please do. You can spend your whole life in turmoil and pain and when you're all done you'll probably have less to show for it than this little mound here, and no one will know and no one will care.
This little grassy mound. You are so wise!
[silence]
Oh shit, kids, I tell you, it's a hoot. It's all just a big laugh. I don't know why I brought you here, but I love you so much. I love you so much that it hurts and I wanted to share something with you. I want you to know that I love you and that you'll have pain, but it will be OK. I don't know if we'll have a place together in eternity. I don't know how any of that works. But we are here together now, and you can make your smile stay awhile. I remember you when you were small and you were so happy and you're growing so quickly now. Look at me with those smiles. I don't know if we'll be together but we're here now and you'll be OK.
[silence]
Let's go, Dad. We're bored.
OK. Me too.