Let’s Just Go Ahead and Rename All of the Departments

The meatheads running our government have decided to rename the Department of Defense the Department of War, a decision that is stupid on its face and even stupider when you look more closely at the history of the department. 

But you know what I say to the meatheads: Why stop there? You’re already governing with impunity and unwinding the post-WWII order at warp speed. So if we’re doing this, let’s really do this thing. Let’s just go ahead and rename all of the departments. How do these look?

Department of Agriculture = Department of Subsidies

Department of Commerce = Department of Tariffs

Department of Defense = Department of War

Department of Education = Department of Heritage

Department of Energy = Department of Coal

Department of Health and Human Services = Department of Mortality

Department of Homeland Security = Department of Deportations

Department of Housing and Urban Development = Department of Abandonment

Department of Interior = Department of Mining and Logging

Department of Justice = Department of Retribution

Department of Labor = Department of Capital

Department of State = Department of Betrayal

Department of Transportation = Department of Trucks

Department of Treasury = Department of Cryptocurrency

Department of Veterans Affairs = Department of Neglect