The World's Aflame but at Least We've Got a New Hobbit Bank

The government is (a) declaring that greenhouse gas emissions are fine, (b) rejecting promising vaccine science, (c) blocking the opening of a new bridge to Canada, and (d) rescinding health care funding to Democratic-led states, with (a) through (d) all driven by a proprietary mix of stupidity and spite.

But you know what we can be excited about? The first bank to receive a national bank charter during Trump II, that's what. It's called Erebor Bank and it's going to be headquartered right here in Columbus, Ohio. The new bank is backed by billionaire techbros that include Anduril's Palmer Luckey and Palantir's Peter Thiel.

Erebor will focus on the AI, crypto, defense and manufacturing sectors.

In a statement, Luckey said, "Erebor is built for builders. We're tired of legacy banks that slow down innovation. This charter allows us to provide the financial tools and security that the next industrial revolution deserves." The bank plans to offer high-net-worth personal and commercial banking, with an emphasis on asset protection, venture debt, and seamless integration with digital asset platforms.

What's Erebor named after? Well, in J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit, the word Erebor is Sindarin for Lonely Mountain and it's the location of the Dwarves' Kingdom under the Mountain and . . . I'm sorry, who gives a shit? Not me.

The new bank might as well be called Bribery, Speculation and Potential Insolvency, N.A. It was unsurprisingly fast-tracked by Trump II, because, while the administration can't be bothered to regulate pollution or prevent illness anymore, it's sure as shit going to roll out the red carpet for the degenerate billionaire class cooking up its latest crimes against the republic.

Columbus is an interesting place to be right now, and by interesting, I mean depressing and embarrassing. We've got the rolling Epstein-Wexner scandal at Ohio State, the new anti-DEI center at Ohio State featuring the apparent assault of an innocent man by a professor in said center, a governor's race featuring degenerate billionaire Vivek Ramaswamy vying to the be leader of one of the most cartoonishly corrupt state parties in the country, a new bank further integrating the degenerate billionaire class into the fabric of the city, and a Haitian community here and down the road in Springfield preparing for a pogrom.

I'm not sure if there is a bottom, but like Roald Amundsen and his fearless Antarctic crew, we seem determined to find it.